This is my 4th week going to OA meetings at one location in Greenwich Village, and I’ve only talked to one woman. I’m usually shy in big groups where I don’t know people, where I feel like I don’t belong, or even in small groups where I know people if there’s someone who’s more outgoing than me (which happens a lot). Part of OA is that you’re supposed to get support from the group and talk and text with other OA members on the phone. I have yet to do that. I don’t even know how to begin. I don’t really want to put myself out there. And that’s part of the problem. I think I just need to do it. Ask for help. Text someone. Call. There’s a list that goes around, but I’m too nervous to write down peoples’ names.
This week has been pretty stressful, with the situation with my boss’s car, my back going out on Tuesday, and starting school again (which I actually really enjoyed–one year down–two more to go!). I binged a few days ago and today. Yesterday I overate but didn’t binge. Ugh, I feel so stressed, I just want to sit somewhere in the sun and read and not do work or worry about anything.
Next week I’m going to try a location in midtown. Really I just want to hear someone mention their kids instead of always talking about their parents. Sometimes I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere. When I’m in Queens I feel like I should be in Brooklyn. When I’m in Brooklyn I feel like I should be in Manhattan. When I’m in the Village I feel like I should be on the Upper West Side. Why can’t I be happy where I am?