Being shy in a group

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This is my 4th week going to OA meetings at one location in Greenwich Village, and I’ve only talked to one woman.  I’m usually shy in big groups where I don’t know people, where I feel like I don’t belong, or even in small groups where I know people if there’s someone who’s more outgoing than me (which happens a lot).  Part of OA is that you’re supposed to get support from the group and talk and text with other OA members on the phone.  I have yet to do that.  I don’t even know how to begin.  I don’t really want to put myself out there.  And that’s part of the problem.  I think I just need to do it.  Ask for help.  Text someone.  Call.  There’s a list that goes around, but I’m too nervous to write down peoples’ names.

This week has been pretty stressful, with the situation with my boss’s car, my back going out on Tuesday, and starting school again (which I actually really enjoyed–one year down–two more to go!).  I binged a few days ago and today.  Yesterday I overate but didn’t binge.  Ugh, I feel so stressed, I just want to sit somewhere in the sun and read and not do work or worry about anything.

Next week I’m going to try a location in midtown.  Really I just want to hear someone mention their kids instead of always talking about their parents.  Sometimes I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere.  When I’m in Queens I feel like I should be in Brooklyn.  When I’m in Brooklyn I feel like I should be in Manhattan.  When I’m in the Village I feel like I should be on the Upper West Side.  Why can’t I be happy where I am?

5 thoughts on “Being shy in a group

  1. Do you really know what you’re searching for? If it were placed before you will you recognize it?
    I don’t pretend to fully understand your dilemma but sometimes we’re unable to find happiness anywhere because we can’t pin point what it is we really want in life.
    I hope you soon find that missing piece in the puzzle of your life.

    1. I do know what I want. I want many things, but I don’t think they’re all possible. I want a well-paying, satisfying job. I want to enjoy spending time with my husband and kids. I want to live in a townhouse in the west village…lol. I want more hours in the day. I want to have a normal relationship with food. I want to feel mentally stable. I don’t think there is one missing piece but several.

  2. I totally get it. I have been to many different OA meetings over the past 2-3 weeks and don’t feel I have found a “home” yet. I have been talking to people a little (though I get the shy thing!) but haven’t totally clicked with many people yet. Do you have a book you pass around in your meetings? In the meetings I go to, everyone writes down their name and number and everyone has a chance to share. Maybe if you share your struggles (both with food and connection) someone will approach you and take your number? I encourage you to reach out because I think it will help keep both of us in the program, but I really relate to the struggle of asking for help. Especially for moms–we are used to being the helpers!

    1. We do have a book but I always feel nervous or shy with it. next time I’m going to take my time and record some numbers and write more. They don’t really give us much space though. Just like an inch!

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