disgusted but still not motivated

I’ve been reading about emotional eating in this book, but still do it anyway.  I notice myself craving the numb, mindless feeling I get when scarfing three Quaker Chewy Chocolate Chip bars, or two Yolatos, or half of my daughter’s birthday cake.  Why can’t I have just one thing/bite/piece?  I get so disgusted with myself, but I realize that I really don’t like some things about my life right now.  Feeling like I don’t have time to exercise because of the constant chores, work, pumping, and breastfeeding.  Feeling like my husband and brother are just as overwhelmed as I am.  I think that’s why I crave the happy, numb feeling I get from binging.  I think I’ll have to find a way to make myself feel happier at home (or at least distract myself from high PPV foods and have 0 point options instead!), otherwise I’ll just keep binging like this and make myself more unhappy.

Today at my weigh in I was up 2 pounds.  At least it took me a few days to go through my 49 extra points instead of just one day like the week before.  I went to Century 21 afterwards to get my husband a replacement shoulder bag/briefcase and saw two handbags that just screamed “buy me!”  But instead of getting one, or both, I’m using them as motivation, since my goal of getting back into my 135 lb clothes doesn’t seem to be motivation enough.

I saw a pool blue version of this one from Foley+Corinna and this one from Gryson.  I love getting bags discounted at Century, even if they are from past seasons.  As a reward, I’ll get one if I lose 5% and the other when I lose 10%, which will also bring me to my goal weight.  I find myself getting a little more materialistic as I’m getting older…I wonder why that is.  But, maybe it will motivate me more than just “being healthy” and “being a good role model” will.

What do you do when you’re unhappy but unmotivated?

4 thoughts on “disgusted but still not motivated

  1. Lately I’ve kinda been feeling this way. My binge item has been anything in that darn Vending Machine at my job. At home, I only binge on Jello, I’ll have two instead of one. You’re not alone, I’ve also been drinking LOTS more water so I don’t have to drink away calories. Maybe drink a full water bottle or glass and then eat that 1 chewy bar.

  2. I’ve been having a hard time lately with food since things are difficult. I’m trying to be kind to myself and know that it will pass. What if you bought yourself the bag now instead of waiting to reach a number on the scale? Maybe it would just be something nice for you and make you feel good? Just a thought.

  3. Thanks ladies. I’m going to try drinking more water and maybe tea, too. I think I’ll get a manicure/pedicure next week as a non-food treat, but keep the bags as a bigger commitment-type goal. I actually printed out the binge-stopper sheets from “Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat” to remind myself to snap out of it and try to soothe myself without food.

  4. Ugh, I’ve been trying to purchase foods thoughtfully, but I’m still mindlessly eating. I even finished the last blueberry donut when my husband has specifically asked me not to finish the “last thing” if it’s special. We went blueberry picking on Saturday and bought some homemade blueberry donuts and cake…probably not the best idea. Why wasn’t i satisfied with just the delicious fresh blueberries?

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